Some serious questions about Ecstasy..?

Hi there. First off, let me say that I don't want hate comments, or people saying I'm stupid for considering to do it. I'm a mature individual, and I can make my own decisions. I want to experiment with this drug for spiritual enlightenment, not to get "f*cked up". So, for a few months now I've been planning on trying Ecstasy. I've done plenty of research, but I'm having some personal doubts. I just don't know the right environment to do it in, how I'm going to react, and if I'm expecting the accurate effects of MDMA. I was first going to try it at a party to make my first experience the best it possibly could be, but I got to thinking that this was NOT an intelligent idea. Obviously I could have a bad trip, and who's going to be sober at a party to look out for me? I guess I am kind of nervous to do this, but who wouldn't be? It's a new experience. I've only ever smoked pot&spice. And yes, I've drunk alcohol too. I don't really know what to expect from E, but I've been told that its an unimaginable bliss. You just get SO extremely, crazy happy. It feels amazing to touch/ be touched, you get pretty damn horny, and you cannot stop grinding your teeth. But, apparently it's not overly intense. However, I don't like the feeling of being out of control. I like to be able to control what I'm saying and what I'm doing. Will Ecstasy make me go crazy and out of control? If so, I'll for sure have a bad experience. Another thing I've heard is that it can make you violently sick. I don't know if that's true, but I will say that throwing up is not on my list of things I'd like to do. Does it usually make first time users sick? Like sick enough to be admitted to a hospital? And also, another thing I'm worried about is hallucinating. I have no problem with it if I'm expecting it, but I don't want it to come on by surprise. So is it likely to hallucinate off of this drug? Thank you so much for your answers. And also, if you know of any other spiritually enlightening drugs/herbs, let me know. (: